Zoe

when do things feel like home

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 04:30:09 GMT

it has been basically 3 years since i've written here. that's a long time. really. a lot has happened and i will make a list. trying to stay in order.

i graduated.
got three jobs and then passed out at christmas and quit them all.
house-sat for a lesbian couple.
house-sat for a french/russian couple.
met a punk-rock boy at the pill.
became better friends with his best friend.
becky moved back to boston for a summer.
did the thing.
katy perry became famous finally.
i worked at the horn book for 6 months.
one of my friends made a scary and sad decision.
i got more confident.
started studying to become a librarian.
found someone i liked again.
he decided he didn't like me.
started a band with a new friend natasha.
lost touch with my only sister.
got back in touch with my first love.
had my first grown up apartment.
moved 3 times.
got my close to dream job in publishing.
moved to new york city.
moved in with sarah rhatigan!
cut bangs.
lost a best friend to misunderstanding.
made new friends in a new city.
obama became president. and i went to see it.
my dad is about to take me to an expensive meal for the first time in 8 years.

yeah.

i guess i'm basically over college at this point. i think about high school more. does that make me lame? livejournal makes me think about high school...i think in order to let go of the person i was in college i really need to start at high school. i'm not the same. i'm kind of boring. i listen to the same music. i eat pancakes and try on 5 different skirts before going out. all the same ones i've always had. i have the same bedspread. the same books. the same art. i never go to shows anymore though and i actually like shoes now and i'm better at some stuff. i think i know more about politics. i hold on to all of the same physical things in order to feel ties to my old self. because most of the time i feel like i don't have any ties to my old self. do i need ties to my old self? i don't feel great in this city. did i feel great in boston right away? i definitely didn't feel great in houston right away. was new jersey always the right fit and i got pulled away?

i just need my land to live on. and if molly was reading this she would laugh.

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 23:49:27 GMT

Horoscope for today=shit

Your critical analysis is often a source of stability in your life but now it's just making everything unbearable. You see what's wrong and you know how to fix it. But you are not in control. The harder you work to stabilize the situation, the crazier it becomes. Be aware that a relationship may have to fall apart before it is able to improve.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:07:11 GMT

ive been traveling a lot this summer. i really don't think i've been in boston more than a week over the past month and a half. that's ok though. i really needed this time.

im staying in boston just so everyone knows. i wanted to move to california, but the job i was supposed to get won't be given to me until i actually move to berkeley. i just cant justify moving out there without this job security FOR REAL. i dont think i can go much longer without knowing if i like publishing and want to do it. so the choice is pretty clear...stay in boston, get said publishing job, decide if i love it, then ummm decide something else depending on the circumstances....sarah and i are looking for an apt. in cambridge/somerville. we have pretty low budgets, but im hoping it's do-able.

california was great as usual. i got a little bit tan and i saw a drag show. san francisco is one crazy place AND I LOVE IT.

the end.

Thu, 04 May 2006 13:28:25 GMT

yesterday i hung out with sean, greg and dan. it was blowout wednesday. then i got tired. sean and greg said, "no, zoe, don't go." dan said, "i'm going with you."

the end.

Wed, 03 May 2006 22:05:20 GMT

hey sean.

hey greg.

hey dan.

solid things go liquid

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:36:11 GMT

i should be finishing up my history paper. i only need two more paragraphs, but of course i am putting it off until tomorrow. i got a lot accomplished this weekend, but it doesn't feel that way.

things to get done before thursday when i leave for madrid (!!!):
laundry
study for midterm
history paper
finish reading backlist catalogs for internship
have sleepover with maggie before she goes home and never comes back
celebrate rebecca leigh curry's 22nd big day! she's my life partner.
pack
go to all my classes
get over myself
listen to the man in the mirror 400000000000000 more times so sarah and becky kill me

there you have it folks.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 06:47:33 GMT

well, this weekend has been both a huge success and a huge bust (hah). Thursday i got drunk with becky at sean and gregs. we watched the olympics and briefly had a dance off with red heads vs. brown heads. it was fun.

friday was the best. me, maggie and becky went to the pill at the great scott. there was a hilarious dance-electronic band and then they played good dance music. me and becky made dance boyfriends. we stayed until they kicked us out.

saturday night we went to dereks show. it was fun. the atmosphere was a little weird, but i had fun. there was a naked man. i missed it. me and becky left there and went to the great scott again expecting another fun night. the problem was jim's band was playing and i was drunk. he didnt want to talk to us and the music sucked. there was zero dancing and lots of feeling like i was gonna puke. i sent jim a message saying that i quit. it cracked me up for a long time, but now im thinking it wasnt such a good idea...

then there is tonight. beckys boyfriend called her and now he is at the house. don't get too excited. i think she feels real uncomfortable, but shes the one that brought him here. for the most part im a never nude, but since i got home like 10 minutes before them i was changing in pajamas and getting ready for bed and i felt a little strange when they came in and i was wearing very little. whatever. we tried to go to middlesex, but it was reggae night.

during the day i did laundry, some paper, a little reading and lots of watching arrested development and some other horrible movie. i drank way too much all weekend and couldnt drink at all tonight and will not drink again for awhile. i think im growing a beer belly and thats sick. (not really, but i feel gross)

i had a nice conversation with derek from home today. it wasnt even that long, but im glad we got a chance to say hi.

im so tired and i plan on sleeping all day tomorrow. tuesday i need to go to the health center and then to work. hopefully i will still have my job...

i want to know too. ohhhhh vanity.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 23:50:19 GMT

http://kevan.org/johari?name=zobotte

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=zobotte

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 04:15:44 GMT

i don't know why all the movies i pick on netflix are seriously sad. i just pop another one in and have a good cry. it's umm fun? i dont know. i need to get something funny on there, but it seems that all the good movies are sad. I do cry a lot during movies that arent always sad. it's something i can't control. and hate.

im really enjoying my history class. i think i should have been a history major. Too late now and I don't really care. I guess I just wish I had had a little more freedom to pick classes.

soo sean and I are gonna go into the ice luge making business next year when we are young profeshes. it's gonna be hilarious.

i went to this party this weekend with old people. by that i mean older than me. some people were considerably older. i met a boy that i sorta liked. maybe a tad pretentious. i forgot my hat at the party, but jim got it for me and that makes me very happy. i also liked it when he called me at 9am to tell me. i think i told him to...

tomorrow is another internship commute day. GAH. everytime i have to go there it snows or rains. i don't get it.

im going to madrid really soon. i need to talk to julia about when we can go to barcelona. im not really worried. hopefully she will have things to do. i miss her sweet face.

ive been doing taebo recently and i figured out that billy blanks knows exactly how to get you pumped up and wanna work out. we have a great relationship. i think i need a new tape.

also, i got a humidifier. it's so dry in this apartment! the horrible news is that i missed every delivery so i have to go pick it up from this place far away. i thought they were open on weekends, but no. i have to get there before 6 tomorrow. i hope it works out.

ok i have to get back to this editing project. im dying! it's so tedious. i like making the marks haha, but i have the feeling im not doing it right. i guess i'll find out soon enough.

PEACE.

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 15:48:57 GMT

i went to a party at carlys last night. i got pretty drunk, but managed to look like i wasnt really.i think. (hah)

however, i did do at least one thing i regret. maybe two.

life is hectic for me. all i can do is listen to love songs.

today i will:
eat lunch with magdalena
finish reading all souls: a family story from southie
take clothes to thrift store
listen to love songs

not necessarily in that order.

it's been awhile since ive written. ive had too much time on my hands this weekend.

i missed everyone who is not with me last night! let's do something fun the next chance we get.

wow. i haven't done this in so long.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 04:02:03 GMT

is it wrong that im thinking of how this applies to michael jackson?

Your Birthdate: August 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.
Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.
You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.
You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action.

Your strength: Your vivid imagination

Your weakness: Fear of failure

Your power color: Coral

Your power symbol: Oval

Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 17:53:30 GMT

i think one of my favorite random similarities between me and becky and sarah is that there was a period in our lives long before we knew each other that our moms were obsessed with the Bonnie Raitt Nick of Time cd. it was kinda a sad time for all of us. it's funny though because it's our cleaning cd or our doing stuff around the house music and we all know all the words like they were planted in our brains and we all just kinda go into our own little world thinking about things that none of us knows about the other. it's one of my favorite things.

sarah is coming in a week and a day! im trying to think of great things to do. i already have the fiesta planned.

i watched one flew over the cuckoo's nest last night. i had never seen it and i loved it! seriously, i just loved it.

time for laundry check!

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 03:33:39 GMT

i just came upon some frightening psychic emails. these things happened!

karma. it's a humbling thing.

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 16:13:01 GMT

i just realized that my livejournal is the last thing where my password is the same as the old password i ALWAYS used. ive been phasing it out.

i went to miami last weekend and it was really nice to see my mom. shes really funny. raymond told me i could change my name to zoe santiago if i wanted to and im thinking about it...it's such a sweet lovin name. he also gave me a bunch of pictures from him in the 70s in college that were awesome. he had a huge fro. it looks pretty amazing. i really, really like him. he's so nice to my mom. today is her birthday. they are going to new york.

there is the most obnoxious engineering grad student GIRL sitting outside of the office talking soooo loud on her cellphone. ugh. liz just informed me that shes the resident tease. that's good since shes the only girl.

me and sean and maggie are going to move in together next year. thats the tentative plan. i didnt think i wanted to stay in boston, but i love it more everyday. too bad it is getting cold and it's really pretty today, but god. in a month it might be torture. i guess that only means that our christmas card will be awesome.

me and becky and sarah made a giant picture wall in our living room. all of pictures of ourselves over the 3 years. it's pretty amazing. now when people come over they just look at it and are amazed. i also stole this awesome giant engineering poster from work, but they wont let me put it up. it has crazy graphs and equations on it. i might put it up in my room and soon i will be a genius.

me and sarah are going to a play tonight. she gets free tickets from work. i forget exactly what it is, but i think it's about ireland. i hope she doesnt cry. i really want to go to the symphony. i think thursday (or one night) is student night. i think becky knows.

i swear to god im gonna go to the mapparium this semester. maybe ill do that when sarah comes.

ive been trying to get this volunteer position at the library to read to children, but it's really tough. i wish they wouldnt make volunteering tough to do. it discourages people.

BASICALLY, WE GOT RECYCLING IN OUR BUILDING FIIIIINAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYYY. and it's the best thing that ever happened to us at 1139. no more late tuesday night hauls.

feel my heartbeat trembling to the beat like a symphony

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 17:45:49 GMT

i guess interesting people become boring everyday. i'll try not to get too upset.

turns out the editorial institute is a very real thing and very do-able. i should try to figure out how im gonna get all my work done since I have apple picking and amherst all weekend.

mmm banananananananA.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 15:04:22 GMT

i keep reliving two very embarrassing moments over and over in my head. im totally nuts.

i need an editor. help me make my story better.

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 19:02:44 GMT

i just had a pretty intense online conversation. i guess i missed those, hah. argue argue. i got it in me.

i found out BU has an editorial institute and I am trying to take a publishing class. please, BU, please don't fail me. my advisor is so nice. he says, "I don't mind your questions. They're filled with enthusiasm and curiosity, both of which I admire." He's really great and always interesting. he also looks like bob from twin peaks.

royksopp was last night and oh boy did i have fun. they played remind me. they were wearing matching outfits. they had skinny ties that really impressed maggie. at one point i realized i was jumping and dancing so hard that the entire contents of my purse has jumped right on out onto the floor. then me and maggie had to find it all. it was quite the night.

if anyone is going to be driving to philadelphia for thanksgiving it would be awesome if you could give me a ride. thanks.

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 00:09:49 GMT

today jim gave me a t-pass he found on the ground,maggie came to work and it was so beautiful out. i really like the fall. im thinking that im much better off this year. me and maggie and zack hung out for awhile trying to recreate summer, but we realized that we cant really. it was just too fun. however, we are going to promise to try and live by summer principles.

im starting a club. it's called junto. it's a club that benjamin franklin started and it seems pretty great. you just get together and talk about current issues, whatever you want really. it's just about being with like-minded people for some time each week. making sure that everyone remembers why it is that they have so much fun together. you are supposed to write essays; however, we dont have time. dont worry though, junto will continue in the future when college papers wont get in the way of real life.

the cover of the weekly dig is me, sarah and becky. look at it. it's unbelievable. it's on our fridge.

my mom is coming on thursday. im pretty excited. i dont know what we are gonna do.

im organizing an apple picking trip. if you are interested please let me know.

cheers.

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 15:42:19 GMT

i despise hypocrisy.

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 16:49:12 GMT

my house is awesome! i mean, apartment. i mean, life structure. i mean, bed.

of course, i live in the same place. it's just that right now...it's comepletely filled with the bestest people of my life! maggie, unfortunetely has been screwed by BU so she is still staying with me. and carly is waiting for her house to get cleaned so she is here. and becky is back and sarah is still here. i love it. it will be sad when half of the party leaves.

i saw leah last night. im convinced she is bipolar.

my birthday was really fun. we had a dance party at a sketchy dance club on the boardwalk ahah. it was filled with old men watching our sweet moves. we pretended we were in jamaica in this weird beach bar at one point. there were lots of cute foreigners. carly was sick, but still awesome! and zack and aaron made an appearance in more than one way.

i love the beach. tomorrow im going on an excursion. then possibly to a show. i have mixed feelings about classes starting. im feeling really burnt out.

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:06:25 GMT

im going to be 21 tomorrow. i just love birthdays.

i find a fatal flaw in the logic of love

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 20:41:50 GMT

i cant wait for becky to get back. maggie gets back tonight! im going to a show on thursday AND i bought built to spill tickets. i cant even wait to see them live. but i guess i will have to since it's not until october 3rd. franklin is coming to visit me in october. im kinda excited about that. less than a week (barely) until i 21! ! ! it's gonna be anti-climatic i know. i dont have serious urges to go out, but i will be excited to go to the other side and get a pitcher with magdalena.

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 01:38:35 GMT

i just finished uncle tom's cabin. it was amazing. i didn't know what to expect, but i couldnt put it down. it's so strange what persuasive literature can do. any persuasive writing. writing in general. it does so much to you. i love it and i am reminded why i want to do this writing thing.

my robert browning poetry book has arrived in the mail. it's from 1872. i love him and i cant wait to get settled down tonight in his little world.

the best lookin boys are taken. the best lookin girls are staying inside.

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 14:03:48 GMT

i got to work this morning and no one was here. i was a half hour late. where is everyone?! this is pure madness,@!dewjno!∫B!kb1@@!

i came home from class early last night. i just couldnt take another day of king lear talk. when i got home maggie was ready to go out. shes a trooper that one. hasnt slept in 2 days. we walked to the free concert of hamlet in the park (mostly just for a direction) and met zack and prashant on the way. prashant brought bread and gatorade in case of emergency...haha. then we went to JP licks. me and prashant are on team no milk with icecream. maggie and zack are team milk with ice cream. i can see this being a serious divide in our friendships. then we went home and zack showed me every band ive been missing out on my whole life and maggie passed out. then i passed out. then i woke up late for work. that brings us here.

i finally used my free voucher thing and bought my ticket to go visit kara at school! we are going to stay in new orleans for a night. im pretty excited because ive never been there. i remember on my roadtrip i was trying to decide if i should take the long way to see new orleans or just go. i just went. i think it's better that way though because now i get to see it for real.

i am very tired. someone come give me a hug.

this is the target mans response. what do you think?

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 17:56:02 GMT

Dear Zoe Luderitz,

In the past, the former Dayton Hudson Foundation made a restricted grant to Planned Parenthood of Minnesota/South Dakota exclusively for funding educational programs. In 1999, Target Corporation created Target Foundation which replaced the Dayton Hudson Foundation.

The only social service organizations currently funded by The Target Foundation are:
-- Organizations that provide relief for immediate food, clothing and shelter needs of individuals or families at risk.

Contributions by Target Foundation are made to eligible recipients through a grants-based process for the current calendar year only. That's why a grant is neither ongoing nor automatically renewed. An organization must meet our current giving guidelines in order to be considered for grant dollars. To learn more about Target Foundation, please visit our Web site:

http://www.targetcorp.com/targetcorp_group/community/foundation.jhtml

Thanks for shopping with us. I hope we'll see you again soon at Target.

Sincerely,

David
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com